I'm standing in line at the grocery store. Unloaded my stuff, waiting patiently for my turn. From behind me I hear, "Jenna's Wedding Pictures! That's a pretty dress!" I know she's talking about the PEOPLE magazine in the rack at the end of the line, as I'd previously admired the display of magazines while waiting for the slowpoke in front of me to check out. Then I hear: "I'm sick of hearing about that family! I don't care about that family! I don't care about her father! When he makes the cost of gas go down then I'll care!" (and more similar, edumacated comments of the like) Must.Resist.Urge....to turn around and see if they are White Trash Morons. They sound like it! But one must not judge. Betting myself they have a cart full of crap food.....
Surreptitiously, I grab a glance at the contents of their cart: the entire bottom is stacked with case after case of soda. The cart itself is full of every conceivable kind of chip imagineable: it's a junk food addict's wet dream! Let's also add big jars of Miracle Whip, a couple loaves of white bread, some bologna, and a big jar of pickles. They must have a hungry family to feed, these curators of nutrition! As the clerk is scanning my items, I peek out the corner of my eye to see the wise philosphers. Now, I'm a big girl myself. So when I say these gals could easily scrape some extra gas mileage out of their vehicle by ditching some excess cargo, I'm not being catty. They could easily reap the rewards of some increased mileage by the amt of a whole third grader if they gave up eating the contents of their carts. The flipflops and pajama-looking ensembles really added to their credibility too. But I just smiled, knowing to suggest that even putting back ONE case of soda would more than cover the increased gas expense for a week, would unleash Ellie May and Jethrene upon me.
As I was putting items into my car, I saw the ladies putting items away in their big SUV, with all kinds of stuff hanging from the rearview mirror. (The back of the SUV was loaded with car seats; how many babies can two started-early moms produce, anyway?) Ah well. Since I now shop that store regularly, it's going to be a treat if they bring the whole family in, toddlers high on white bread and sugar, running around while moms are talking about so and so's cousin's girlfriend who gave her a dirty look and she's gonna whup her a%%. (Yes, ladies and gents, when I saw two grownups in place of what sounded like two girls in high school, it was a tad surprising.) I bet they were on the way to get beer before going home.....
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
My Stint as a White Trash Moron
It's confession time: I'm not above being a White Trash Moron Partygoer!
But I promise, it was not intentional.
Last week I spent an hour at the grocery store and when it was time to check out, the store (as usual) was short on clerks but loooooongggg on lines! I miraculously found a short line and hopped right in. The glare that Miss Clerk gave me should have clued me in, but I thought it was because she saw my 2" high stack of coupons and didn't like telling people they only owed $5 for about $100 worth of groceries.
The nice elderly couple in front of me finished paying (the missus took probably ten minutes to write out that check: get a debit card, gramma!) and it was my turn. The clerk is sending me dirty looks up one side and down the other but still I'm too stupid to get it. I asked her, "Oh, sacking on your own today?" (no bagger in sight) Through pursed lips she said, "in this lane, yes." I commented on how short her counter was, with a revolving bag holder instead of the usual belt.....oh.my.gawd. I'm in the EXPRESS LANE. With about 50 items, OH MY GAWD. The clue truck ran me over and left me for dead, face burning, neck burning, I was so embarrased. There was no official sign, but there was a tiny, hand-lettered 'express lane' sign back where I'd been standing (but about three feet over my head). I apologized profusely and I could see her thinking, "Yeah right you dumbass!" Hey I've been there, one of my first jobs was at a grocery store and people would try that with me all the time. (20 apples is one item, they are the same species, after all!) I apologized several times, apologized to the people behind me, wished the ground would swallow me up or a tornado would pass by right that second. Maybe someone would pull the fire alarm. To top this gaffe: she totaled me up and I paid for it, and then realized my thick stack of coupons had not been processed. She tried to apply them to the two packages of meat I had purchased separately.....how the computer is going to take about 40 coupons off of two packages of meat is anyone's guess! She directed me to the customer service desk. I again apologized and said, "Thanks for being so nice to me!" and immediately, her whole persona changed. The stick came out of her behind and turned into a nice smile as she said, "No problem!"
My face was still burning as I went to the car. Whatta dumbass. That clerk probably has her own blog and I'm on it, under "I tried to pretend I didn't know I was in the express lane!"
But I promise, it was not intentional.
Last week I spent an hour at the grocery store and when it was time to check out, the store (as usual) was short on clerks but loooooongggg on lines! I miraculously found a short line and hopped right in. The glare that Miss Clerk gave me should have clued me in, but I thought it was because she saw my 2" high stack of coupons and didn't like telling people they only owed $5 for about $100 worth of groceries.
The nice elderly couple in front of me finished paying (the missus took probably ten minutes to write out that check: get a debit card, gramma!) and it was my turn. The clerk is sending me dirty looks up one side and down the other but still I'm too stupid to get it. I asked her, "Oh, sacking on your own today?" (no bagger in sight) Through pursed lips she said, "in this lane, yes." I commented on how short her counter was, with a revolving bag holder instead of the usual belt.....oh.my.gawd. I'm in the EXPRESS LANE. With about 50 items, OH MY GAWD. The clue truck ran me over and left me for dead, face burning, neck burning, I was so embarrased. There was no official sign, but there was a tiny, hand-lettered 'express lane' sign back where I'd been standing (but about three feet over my head). I apologized profusely and I could see her thinking, "Yeah right you dumbass!" Hey I've been there, one of my first jobs was at a grocery store and people would try that with me all the time. (20 apples is one item, they are the same species, after all!) I apologized several times, apologized to the people behind me, wished the ground would swallow me up or a tornado would pass by right that second. Maybe someone would pull the fire alarm. To top this gaffe: she totaled me up and I paid for it, and then realized my thick stack of coupons had not been processed. She tried to apply them to the two packages of meat I had purchased separately.....how the computer is going to take about 40 coupons off of two packages of meat is anyone's guess! She directed me to the customer service desk. I again apologized and said, "Thanks for being so nice to me!" and immediately, her whole persona changed. The stick came out of her behind and turned into a nice smile as she said, "No problem!"
My face was still burning as I went to the car. Whatta dumbass. That clerk probably has her own blog and I'm on it, under "I tried to pretend I didn't know I was in the express lane!"
"I'm Still In Debt, But Damn, My Rings Are Pretty!"
Regular customer comes in and wants to cash a $7000 check from the (state) Lottery. She won about $10k or so on a scratch off ticket and this is her share after taxes.
This woman has few teeth for perhaps various reasons. She's a heavy smoker. She rarely pays her loans with us on time. She is always complaining about how broke she is and how everyone makes life unfair for her or hard for her. It's always everyone against her. Anyone with a shred of responsibility in their being can see she just makes poor choices and that's just the way she lives her life, period.
Now, call me crazy, but if I was so poor that my utilities were always getting shut off (I've been there!) and I always felt the world was against me, lottery tickets would be the least of my expenses when, say, FOOD or heat or toothpaste would be necessary! She has a credit card with a balance in the several-thousand-dollar range that she only pays the minimum on, and even then she pays late. She is constantly telling us how she's gotten evicted from her latest home. However she apparently has not been evicted from the smoke shop as she seems to have a constant supply.
She cashes this check, and within a few days she's back! She has a brand new white gold wedding set that she proudly announces she paid $1900 for. I pull out it's identical twin (well, ours was yellow gold) that was priced $800. She sniffed and said, "This was from HELZBERGS!" (So was ours LOL) She then said she'd bought her husband a thousand dollar ring, they'd bought new furniture, clothes, some lamps, a new kitchen set, brand new television, what else... just a lot of junk. Then she said......many won't be shocked...."Too bad it's gone, I still have bills to pay, oh well they'll just have to wait!" My mouth wanted to fall open, here she had a chance to get out of debt and instead she just blew it all on CRAP! Hell.
I think this woman singlehandedly stimulated my city's economy, yet truly has nothing to show for it. (Ah wait, diamonds are forever!..and so is her debt!)
This woman has few teeth for perhaps various reasons. She's a heavy smoker. She rarely pays her loans with us on time. She is always complaining about how broke she is and how everyone makes life unfair for her or hard for her. It's always everyone against her. Anyone with a shred of responsibility in their being can see she just makes poor choices and that's just the way she lives her life, period.
Now, call me crazy, but if I was so poor that my utilities were always getting shut off (I've been there!) and I always felt the world was against me, lottery tickets would be the least of my expenses when, say, FOOD or heat or toothpaste would be necessary! She has a credit card with a balance in the several-thousand-dollar range that she only pays the minimum on, and even then she pays late. She is constantly telling us how she's gotten evicted from her latest home. However she apparently has not been evicted from the smoke shop as she seems to have a constant supply.
She cashes this check, and within a few days she's back! She has a brand new white gold wedding set that she proudly announces she paid $1900 for. I pull out it's identical twin (well, ours was yellow gold) that was priced $800. She sniffed and said, "This was from HELZBERGS!" (So was ours LOL) She then said she'd bought her husband a thousand dollar ring, they'd bought new furniture, clothes, some lamps, a new kitchen set, brand new television, what else... just a lot of junk. Then she said......many won't be shocked...."Too bad it's gone, I still have bills to pay, oh well they'll just have to wait!" My mouth wanted to fall open, here she had a chance to get out of debt and instead she just blew it all on CRAP! Hell.
I think this woman singlehandedly stimulated my city's economy, yet truly has nothing to show for it. (Ah wait, diamonds are forever!..and so is her debt!)
If I Pass, I'll Take Two! My Kid Can Eat Bullets
Guy walks in, towing his rambunctious toddler daughter. Daughter is filthy, hair is unkempt, no shoes, she just basically looks uncared for.
She is also apparently used to doing what she wants, w/o adult supervision. I had to finally resort to "AH AH AH!!" kind of comments to get her dad's attention, when the 400 "Sweetie don't touch that!"'s went right over his head. (and hers too, apparently her ears are full of wax.) I guess he didn't care that she was playing with heavy, sharp things.
Guy picks out a hand gun for about $386. He leans over the counter and says to me, "I just got my stimulus check! If my background check comes back today I'm gonna buy me another gun!"
NICS check comes back as delayed. Guy pops his $25 on the counter to hold the handgun until the FBI decides whether he's allowed to have one or not. (Too bad he could have kids without a background check!) Guy and toddler leave in a car that looks like swiss cheese with wheels.
He couldn't think of something better to spend his stimulus check on? Like, ... REAL NEEDS?
I shouldn’t complain since our store needs every dime we can get (greedy bastardo landlords more than doubled our rent). However...reconcile obvious needs over something so foolish as a handgun. Just... wow.
Oh yeah and while in there, guy was bitching about the price of a gallon of gas. Irony.
She is also apparently used to doing what she wants, w/o adult supervision. I had to finally resort to "AH AH AH!!" kind of comments to get her dad's attention, when the 400 "Sweetie don't touch that!"'s went right over his head. (and hers too, apparently her ears are full of wax.) I guess he didn't care that she was playing with heavy, sharp things.
Guy picks out a hand gun for about $386. He leans over the counter and says to me, "I just got my stimulus check! If my background check comes back today I'm gonna buy me another gun!"
NICS check comes back as delayed. Guy pops his $25 on the counter to hold the handgun until the FBI decides whether he's allowed to have one or not. (Too bad he could have kids without a background check!) Guy and toddler leave in a car that looks like swiss cheese with wheels.
He couldn't think of something better to spend his stimulus check on? Like, ... REAL NEEDS?
I shouldn’t complain since our store needs every dime we can get (greedy bastardo landlords more than doubled our rent). However...reconcile obvious needs over something so foolish as a handgun. Just... wow.
Oh yeah and while in there, guy was bitching about the price of a gallon of gas. Irony.
"They Didn't Send Me a Bill (But I Sure Got The ShutOff Notice!)"
Woman comes in today, slaps down a $990 gas bill on the counter. I picked it up and did a double take and all I could say was, ... WOW.... She said, "Yeah, right, ya know? It's all the gas company's fault, too! They didn't send me a bill for three months!"
Wondering to myself, how do you 'forget' to pay a gas bill, since it comes every month like your period. Ok scrap that, she might be pregnant. It comes due every month just like your, oh, RENT!!! Electric and water bills! Your overextended Capital One bill! But she went on and on about how she should not be expected to pay this high of a bill if they didn't send the bill to her. She leaned over and said, "I called the company and you know what they said? 'Ma'am we are not responsible for the postal service!', as if that excuses them for not sending me a bill and letting them know what I owe!" (Inner voice is saying, "ASK HER how come she didn't call them when she didn't get bills! ASK HER!!!") I'm just smiling and trying to take the bill. She has really long fake nails, a pack of cigs hanging out of her purse. She drove up in a huge truck that is about 20 ft. off the ground thanks to the tires that are about as tall as I am. Ok so maybe she borrowed that truck from her boyfriend so we'll give her a break. She has about $50 worth of cheap makeup on, earrings in many holes in her ears, covered in tattoos. Lots of rings, some fingers have two.
Then she says, "I don't know how they expect me to come up with this all at once when I'm f*ckin' unemployed!" Wow, just...wow. So much potential and no one sees it. Wow. (Nevermind that the bill is three months' worth of bills she did not pay, and if she'd just set the money aside as if she had paid it OR, gasp, called them!, she would not have had to come up with so much at once. But I'm sorry, this is land of the persecuted here.) On and on about how utility companies are gouging the poor people and how unfair it is.
Just that truck alone cost more than most people's yearly incomes...must bite tongue. Some people have different priorities.
Wondering to myself, how do you 'forget' to pay a gas bill, since it comes every month like your period. Ok scrap that, she might be pregnant. It comes due every month just like your, oh, RENT!!! Electric and water bills! Your overextended Capital One bill! But she went on and on about how she should not be expected to pay this high of a bill if they didn't send the bill to her. She leaned over and said, "I called the company and you know what they said? 'Ma'am we are not responsible for the postal service!', as if that excuses them for not sending me a bill and letting them know what I owe!" (Inner voice is saying, "ASK HER how come she didn't call them when she didn't get bills! ASK HER!!!") I'm just smiling and trying to take the bill. She has really long fake nails, a pack of cigs hanging out of her purse. She drove up in a huge truck that is about 20 ft. off the ground thanks to the tires that are about as tall as I am. Ok so maybe she borrowed that truck from her boyfriend so we'll give her a break. She has about $50 worth of cheap makeup on, earrings in many holes in her ears, covered in tattoos. Lots of rings, some fingers have two.
Then she says, "I don't know how they expect me to come up with this all at once when I'm f*ckin' unemployed!" Wow, just...wow. So much potential and no one sees it. Wow. (Nevermind that the bill is three months' worth of bills she did not pay, and if she'd just set the money aside as if she had paid it OR, gasp, called them!, she would not have had to come up with so much at once. But I'm sorry, this is land of the persecuted here.) On and on about how utility companies are gouging the poor people and how unfair it is.
Just that truck alone cost more than most people's yearly incomes...must bite tongue. Some people have different priorities.
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