My Stint as a White Trash Moron

It's confession time: I'm not above being a White Trash Moron Partygoer!

But I promise, it was not intentional.

Last week I spent an hour at the grocery store and when it was time to check out, the store (as usual) was short on clerks but loooooongggg on lines! I miraculously found a short line and hopped right in. The glare that Miss Clerk gave me should have clued me in, but I thought it was because she saw my 2" high stack of coupons and didn't like telling people they only owed $5 for about $100 worth of groceries.

The nice elderly couple in front of me finished paying (the missus took probably ten minutes to write out that check: get a debit card, gramma!) and it was my turn. The clerk is sending me dirty looks up one side and down the other but still I'm too stupid to get it. I asked her, "Oh, sacking on your own today?" (no bagger in sight) Through pursed lips she said, "in this lane, yes." I commented on how short her counter was, with a revolving bag holder instead of the usual belt.....oh.my.gawd. I'm in the EXPRESS LANE. With about 50 items, OH MY GAWD. The clue truck ran me over and left me for dead, face burning, neck burning, I was so embarrased. There was no official sign, but there was a tiny, hand-lettered 'express lane' sign back where I'd been standing (but about three feet over my head). I apologized profusely and I could see her thinking, "Yeah right you dumbass!" Hey I've been there, one of my first jobs was at a grocery store and people would try that with me all the time. (20 apples is one item, they are the same species, after all!) I apologized several times, apologized to the people behind me, wished the ground would swallow me up or a tornado would pass by right that second. Maybe someone would pull the fire alarm. To top this gaffe: she totaled me up and I paid for it, and then realized my thick stack of coupons had not been processed. She tried to apply them to the two packages of meat I had purchased separately.....how the computer is going to take about 40 coupons off of two packages of meat is anyone's guess! She directed me to the customer service desk. I again apologized and said, "Thanks for being so nice to me!" and immediately, her whole persona changed. The stick came out of her behind and turned into a nice smile as she said, "No problem!"
My face was still burning as I went to the car. Whatta dumbass. That clerk probably has her own blog and I'm on it, under "I tried to pretend I didn't know I was in the express lane!"