Medical Fact

"Cigarettes don't cause lung cancer, that's bullshit! My mom died of lung cancer and she never smoked a cigarette in her life!"
So says the expert pack a day smoker! Smacking myself, why do we even bother with research?

"I don't eat meat, just fish and chicken"

I keep running into people who say they are vegetarians, but they eat seafood/fish and/or chicken.
These creatures have brains, and eyes, and circulatory systems, etc. They are living, breathing creatures. But these 'vegetarians' consider them....vegetables? In what universe?
I just got an email from a longtime friend who has been a vegetarian for decades; right in the middle of all these photos of food she sent is a bunch of shrimp! And not tofu shrimp, real live..er, dead...shrimp!
I've even had several people tell me that they don't eat meat, they are vegetarians. But they eat chicken. Do you have to behead your salad and drain its blood before you eat it? NO?? Then it's not an animal!!! What planet do these idiots live on? They'll argue with you all damned day whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable but they don't question that they are eating something with a brain? Too bad it doesn't rub off!
I secretly laugh at the vegetarians and (the rare) vegan, who have on leather athletic shoes, a leather coat, a leather purse, a leather phone case, etc. One day I may laugh out loud at them.

"I'm Picky!"

This has happened enough times that now, I have to say something.
Why is it....the largest people are the ones who say, "I'm a picky eater"? For a few years now this has really bothered me, as I associate picky eater with being skinny. As a child, we kids were picky, and we were skinny. Cuz, well, no one would make us special meals and we didn't go get takeout; our choices for dinner were "Take it" or "Leave it". So in my mind I couldn't fathom how someone who clearly didn't limit themselves, could be 'picky'.
Today a very large woman came in and started running her mouth about how she is sick of the diet commercials starting all over again, and how she couldn't possibly be on a diet because she is picky. I had to clamp down *hard* on the urge to bray laughter in her face but then I realized, she's right! She may only like ice cream, fast food, chips, etc.! She said she was picky, she didn't say she didn't eat. See, you learn something every day!

Hummers and Sighers

What is it with people who can't stop humming impatiently while I wait on them? And sighing? WHY do you sigh? Do you think I'm going to treat your humming (no noticeable tune, just impatient sounds) as the soundtrack that magically makes dealing with you go faster? And really, SIGHING at me like it's just killing you to get up before 5:00 p.m. and take care of your obligations? I'm so sorry that it's inconvenient for you to wait on me to take the time to dig through your account while you ask me 50,000 other questions on top of the one I'm working on. So sorry that your account is such a mess because you can't stay on top of it! Yes I realize that your time is so precious but can't you DVR that Maury show?

"I get a check cuz of my back! Like my boots?!"

Woman comes in with stiletto-heeled boots on; it looks like she's balancing on tiny little screwdrivers. She can walk in them just fine! As she wastes my time asking to see things she isn't going to buy, she mentions how she's on disability becauuse her back is too messed up to work. She can't do ANYTHING, not even sit in a chair. "Yeah it hurts, and shit." But, you are able-bodied enough to wear F*ck Me boots? It sure didn't hurt her to bend clear over (ass crack hanging out) and look into the cabinets and find crap for me to hand to her. I bet you didn't wear those boots to the Social Security office when you were convincing them you needed a check. PARASITE!

Welfare Proposal

I'm so sick of seeing that so many of our 'too disabled to work but can lift heavy tv's' customers are on Facebook all day, every day. I'm sick of hearing HUD-sucking people talk about all the cable they have, which they probably also watch on their brand new 100" tvs! So I propose that if anyone at an address receives welfare, no cable or cell phones or internet (beyond basic cell phone service) are allowed to be switched on or billed at that address. If your Facebook page says nothing but "So and so sent you a crop to tend" or "So and so sent you a gun in Mafia Wars" then you need to seriously evaluate your priorities!

Time Waster Thursday

We have a family that's been coming into our store for a long, long time. Unfortunately two of the teen daughters have this bad habit of tying up employees so that they cannot help other people. These girls only want you to drag out EVERY SINGLE THING in the display cases (not picky which display case either, if it's locked away then they want to see it!) These girls will never buy anything, it's like a hobby for them to waste our time.
Finally, I had enough of it. While helping the mom, the daughters will constantly interrupt our transaction with, "I want to see that ring/camera/etc." to the point that I got pissed off. How many times does one person act like a rude ass?? Every time? So after multiple time-wasting sessions of showing them everything for 30, 45 minutes, I finally put the quash on it. The next time one of the daughters started interrupting my transaction with, "I want to see that", I asked her, "Are you going to buy anything today?" She laughed at me and said no. I told her (gently) that when she was serious about buying, to come see me and I'll be glad to take things out, but when I have other people waiting to be helped I can't do that. She has not asked to see anything since then. (You can see it through the glass, you don't need to pet it if you just want to waste time!) Today her sister and boyfriend (who lets their 14 year old daughter date, let along date a guy who's not even a teen any more?) spent half an hour looking at weapons, while a legitimate customer who DID want to buy something, stood by waiting. I was so mad. I was busy at the other counter or I would have just gone to help the REAL customer and told LookieLoo that I'd be back over later when they wanted to buy something!

Long Duck Dong, Handyman

Long Duck Dong gave me his business card, and let me know he does handyman work, any kind! I had this mean thought: get him to give me a quote, then moan and bitch about how much he quoted me...and at the end, say, "But I only have a fiftee!" <'br> Ah yes, I can think of little more I'd love than to be the customer of someone I can barely stand as a customer! Plus he'd know where I live, and I try to keep that at a minimum!