Fun With Morons!

I'm sure everyone knows someone like this: A person who is so convinced that 'animals love them', who tries SO hard to pet dogs that are terrified of them or are aggressive towards them? We have a customer just like this. I call him "The Dog Terrorizer". He is obsessed about petting our shop dogs (we all bring our pets to work.) He will even come behind our counter (!!!) to pursue a dog that wants nothing to do with him, even when said dog(s) are snarling and growling at him! It's amazing how stupid this asshat is. He's been told repeatedly that the dog(s) do not want any contact, yet he pursues any dogs that happen to be outdoors taking potty breaks if they are out when he arrives. He will pursue them inside the shop as well. He whistles at them, bangs the counter, snaps his fingers, barks at them, makes 'kissing' sounds at them, calls them 'Bad dog", etc. He's a LUNATIC!

About two months ago, he was in our store past closing. My dog knows when it is closing time, and follows me out from behind the counter to watch people out the windows and bark at them. It gives her joy to bark at 'trespassers'! Well, I'm trying to get this moron out of the store, but he sees my dog coming out from behind the counter and goes after her. She's barking and snarling and backing away from him, while also trying to protect me from this retard. DT, being the moron he is, keeps pursuing her despite every signal a dog can give that he's not welcome near her. I told him a couple of times that the door was open, let's go, but he ignored me. Finally I yelled at him, "GO! JUST GO!" And like an obedient dog, he went. If only that was his last visit. (A person of normal intelligence would most likely have been insulted at being yelled at and not come back. If only.)

He's been in several times since then, and normally I move to lock the dogs in the office if I see him come in. This jerk is beyond stupid, he will not take hints or direct requests to knock it off, it's like he thinks that the dogs staring him down and growling at him with upraised hackles are greeting him warmly! The fact that I've had to physically push him out from our restricted area behind the counter is also a factor. Last week I did not realize he was in the store until I heard my dog growling and heard him say, "Bad dog" to her. Since direct comments to this man don't faze him, I told him, "Those words are NOT allowed in this store." So he did shut up, I was surprised. However he did keep bothering my dog; she eventually layed down on her bed and ignored him (good dog!). To him though, a dog that is ignoring him is a reason to increase his use of noise to get a reaction. My brother and I were laughing about what to tell him in case he asked what her name is (as he always does to the dogs; why give him THAT tool?). My brother suggested "Fukmi" (Fookmee), so we laughed in the office at the thought of him saying that.

The moron did not disappoint!

"Is that a boy dog?" Obviously the lack of a penis and the wearing of a bright pink camo collar escaped this moron's keen observation skills! I said why yes, it is a he!
"What's his name?" (ohmygosh could it be, the opportunity, so early?)
"Fukmi" said I.
"Fookmee? What's that?"
"F-U-K-M-E" (I mispelled it to him dangit! I was trying not to laugh!) "It's Japanese I think!"
"Oh ok, hey Fukmi! FUKMi! Come here, Fukmi!"
I was doing ok not laughing, until my brother walked by and I looked at his face, as he was trying not to laugh; laughter snorted right out my nose and it couldn't be contained.
DT did not notice, he was too busy trying to exhort my dog Fukmi to come to him.
"Hey he recognizes his name!" (more suppressed laughter, it's killing me.....!)
The guy spent, I kid you not, short of ten minutes calling for Fukmi. We had a counter full of customers and this MORON kept calling for the dog! He even tried to come behind my counter again; I told him to move his butt because "Fukmi doesn't like people on his side of the counter!"

"FUKMI!! HERE, Fukmi! Look at me, Fukmi!!"
"Fukmi! COME, FUKMI!"
"Hey, FUKMI! Can you hear me, Fukmi? Yeah you know your name don't you, Fukmi?"

Every time I looked over at my brother out on the sales floor, his face red as he tried not to laugh, I had to try with all my might to suppress my own desire to laugh until I peed my pants! The fact that the guy was not only a dolt but was yelling 'FUKMI' in front of about 15 other people was almost more than I could take. When he left, we laughed and laughed.

We have two other dogs that come into the shop. I think their names are going to be Likmi and..... hmmm.... we'll have to work on the other. We know DT will be back soon!

Billie Bitch Ass

I like elderly folks for the most part, I really do! But we have one customer who takes the cake. Her name is Billie and she's in her 80's. And man oh man does she have people fooled! She comes in once a month to do a loan; and she gets downright mean as a snake when I tell her she needs to have the entire amount of the loan and not just the interest. The law states she has to be able to pay off the loan before she can write another; so I'm not just being mean. I'm not wanting a $5,000 fine, thankyewverymuch! She has been told twice before that she must have the entire amount, and each time she's been a bitch (to me, not to the men.) Yesterday she came in and tried to avoid me; she pretended she could not hear me and walked past me, in the hopes that the man at the counter would help her. Wrongo, old bat! You get the mean lady again, oh noes! While I'm doing her paperwork, she asks, "Where can I find a little dog? Do you know anyone giving one away?" I didn't, but know there are lots of little dogs at the Humane Society right now so told her about there. She said, "No I don't want to PAY for a dog. I want a free dog." The other clerk and I told her, there ain't no such thing as a free dog. I asked her, "What happens when it needs to go to the vet?" She glared at me icily and said, "THANK YOU for your advice." (meaning, she won't take an animal to the vet, it costs too much, it can just be sick and die, you bitch!) I walked over to collect the loan payment and saw it was only $40, not the $335 she needed to have. Here we go again! I told her, I need the rest of the loan amount to process your loan. She glared at me and said, "I don't have it. Someone stole $310 from me so I don't have it." (Last month, someone 'stole' $400 from her and she didnt' have it. Sigh.) I told her I could not rewrite her loan unless she had the entire amount; she set her mouth in a tight line and said she only had the $40. I went and got the owner and let HIM tell her. The minute he said anything to her she started to 'cry', only there were no tears. "Boo hoo someone stole $310 from me and I don't have it, boo hoo". He told her it's the law, and she 'cried' some more. He told her we'll do it for her this time but next time she had to have it. (This is what we told her twice before but they won't stick to it!) As soon as his back was turned, she glared icily at me some more and it was like night and day with her personality. She has my dad and the others fooled that she's just some 'sweet old lady', I sure wish we had her acting on tape. NOT A TEAR, yet she was 'crying' just minutes before? What a hag. I went ahead and took the interest, processed the paperwork, and took it to her. I told her, next time we can make your loan for $100 instead of $300 if you are having trouble paying it each time, that will make it easier on you. "What? You'll what?" I repeated it. She snarled at me something about how she won't be able to pay off her loan for months and months and how ridiculous that sounded to her. I just smiled at her. Then I pointed where she needed to initial, sign, and date. She said hatefully, "THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE." She signed her name and threw down the pen. "Anything else?" I said yes, just initial and date here. She said, "I KNOW! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE!" and just initialed, then threw down her pen again. I pointed and said, "Just need the date here." She said again, "I KNOW!" and then wrote just the month and hesitated on the day, I could not help but be a pest and said, "Today's the third, believe it or not! How time flies!" She glared at me some more, her mouth pinched and bitter, and said, "THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE!" again. Then she again threw the pen on the counter. She was an 80 year old temper-tantrum throwing baby, and I'd had enough of her rudeness the other two times she was in. So just to piss her off some more, I circled the amount due at her next loan, BIG circles, and said, "Just be sure to bring this in next time!" really sweet like I'm the nicest person there is. She went batshit! 'I know that! Thank you for your advice!" I said, "Well we've had this problem twice before so I wanted to make sure we don't have it again. Since I told you two times already I figured one more can't hurt, ok? Have a nice afternoon Billie." Yeah that was rude. I think this ol' bitch needs to be in a nursing home or on medications, she's positively crappy with attitude...and only to women. She's the innocent, victimized elderly lady to any man who is behind the counter; the switch is just unreal. She was so mad when she left, I had to put a note on her account so the next person could be warned about her fake tears and how many times she's been told. Why anyone let her have a loan that size when she's on Social Security is beyond me anyway; she should never have been given such a large loan. Next month she is due on a day I am off; if she comes in the day before then I'll make sure to wait on her again since she hates my stinking guts anyway! I'll just put her loan back in the file and tell her we will hold it a couple of days until she can come in with the full amount. I'm sure she'll have a complete meltdown, and one of the men will step in and tell her, "Well we'll do it THIS TIME (time number how many???)", which she's used to. She'll probably pretend to cry to them because it works for her. That's some racket she has going! She makes more on Social Security than I do working for a living!