Fun With Morons!

I'm sure everyone knows someone like this: A person who is so convinced that 'animals love them', who tries SO hard to pet dogs that are terrified of them or are aggressive towards them? We have a customer just like this. I call him "The Dog Terrorizer". He is obsessed about petting our shop dogs (we all bring our pets to work.) He will even come behind our counter (!!!) to pursue a dog that wants nothing to do with him, even when said dog(s) are snarling and growling at him! It's amazing how stupid this asshat is. He's been told repeatedly that the dog(s) do not want any contact, yet he pursues any dogs that happen to be outdoors taking potty breaks if they are out when he arrives. He will pursue them inside the shop as well. He whistles at them, bangs the counter, snaps his fingers, barks at them, makes 'kissing' sounds at them, calls them 'Bad dog", etc. He's a LUNATIC!

About two months ago, he was in our store past closing. My dog knows when it is closing time, and follows me out from behind the counter to watch people out the windows and bark at them. It gives her joy to bark at 'trespassers'! Well, I'm trying to get this moron out of the store, but he sees my dog coming out from behind the counter and goes after her. She's barking and snarling and backing away from him, while also trying to protect me from this retard. DT, being the moron he is, keeps pursuing her despite every signal a dog can give that he's not welcome near her. I told him a couple of times that the door was open, let's go, but he ignored me. Finally I yelled at him, "GO! JUST GO!" And like an obedient dog, he went. If only that was his last visit. (A person of normal intelligence would most likely have been insulted at being yelled at and not come back. If only.)

He's been in several times since then, and normally I move to lock the dogs in the office if I see him come in. This jerk is beyond stupid, he will not take hints or direct requests to knock it off, it's like he thinks that the dogs staring him down and growling at him with upraised hackles are greeting him warmly! The fact that I've had to physically push him out from our restricted area behind the counter is also a factor. Last week I did not realize he was in the store until I heard my dog growling and heard him say, "Bad dog" to her. Since direct comments to this man don't faze him, I told him, "Those words are NOT allowed in this store." So he did shut up, I was surprised. However he did keep bothering my dog; she eventually layed down on her bed and ignored him (good dog!). To him though, a dog that is ignoring him is a reason to increase his use of noise to get a reaction. My brother and I were laughing about what to tell him in case he asked what her name is (as he always does to the dogs; why give him THAT tool?). My brother suggested "Fukmi" (Fookmee), so we laughed in the office at the thought of him saying that.

The moron did not disappoint!

"Is that a boy dog?" Obviously the lack of a penis and the wearing of a bright pink camo collar escaped this moron's keen observation skills! I said why yes, it is a he!
"What's his name?" (ohmygosh could it be, the opportunity, so early?)
"Fukmi" said I.
"Fookmee? What's that?"
"F-U-K-M-E" (I mispelled it to him dangit! I was trying not to laugh!) "It's Japanese I think!"
"Oh ok, hey Fukmi! FUKMi! Come here, Fukmi!"
I was doing ok not laughing, until my brother walked by and I looked at his face, as he was trying not to laugh; laughter snorted right out my nose and it couldn't be contained.
DT did not notice, he was too busy trying to exhort my dog Fukmi to come to him.
"Hey he recognizes his name!" (more suppressed laughter, it's killing me.....!)
The guy spent, I kid you not, short of ten minutes calling for Fukmi. We had a counter full of customers and this MORON kept calling for the dog! He even tried to come behind my counter again; I told him to move his butt because "Fukmi doesn't like people on his side of the counter!"

"FUKMI!! HERE, Fukmi! Look at me, Fukmi!!"
"Fukmi! COME, FUKMI!"
"Hey, FUKMI! Can you hear me, Fukmi? Yeah you know your name don't you, Fukmi?"

Every time I looked over at my brother out on the sales floor, his face red as he tried not to laugh, I had to try with all my might to suppress my own desire to laugh until I peed my pants! The fact that the guy was not only a dolt but was yelling 'FUKMI' in front of about 15 other people was almost more than I could take. When he left, we laughed and laughed.

We have two other dogs that come into the shop. I think their names are going to be Likmi and..... hmmm.... we'll have to work on the other. We know DT will be back soon!