Social Insecurity

It took me THREE TRIES over six months to get my name updated with Social Security so I could renew my driver's license. Three tries, each one more painful and unnecessary than the last! It's going to take many edits on this post to get the full story out. Let me just say this: If I ever, EVER, become disabled and have to rely on someone at the SSA to help me out, I may as well just put a gun to my head and shoot myself on the spot.

It all started when I went to renew my driver's license; even though I'd gotten a new license in 2004 with my newly married name (compliments of showing the DMV staff my marriage license and former-name ID), the DMV now decided that my new name was not good enough and that it did not match in the SS files somehow. Nevermind that all the documentation I provided five years ago was good enough then! NO! Now, I'm worse than an illegal alien! No wait, if I was an illegal, I would not have had to jump through hoops to get my ID!

I went straight to SS office from the DMV. When I walked through the doors they grabbed my purse, it took me aback because I don't like sudden moves or anyone doing things like that without letting me know first. The guard took out my cell phone and said, "NO cell phones on! Turn it off or put it on vibrate!" Then he asked me, "Do you have any weapons in this purse or on your person?" Mr. Thorough is asking me this as he's handing me back my purse with a pocket knife in it that he apparently could not see; maybe it was hiding behind the ancient wrapped Tampax I keep in there for emergencies? I almost asked him, "Well do I?" But instead said, "Of course not!" Hey, he couldn't find it, that's his problem. It's not like I could do any harm to anyone with it anyway, it's more of a letter opener than anything. He shoved my purse and my phone back at me (the phone was IN THE PURSE you jerk!) and told me to have a seat, here is your number. He never searched my planner, it had a nice big sharp pair of scissors in it for coupon clipping! I'm such a criminal.

I sat there for half an hour. I'm telling you, if you want to steal someone's identity, just go spend the day at the Social Security office. The acoustics in there are amazing! I have a partial hearing loss in both ears, one more than the other, but you'd never know it that day. The SS employees were asking for social security numbers at full volume and people were more than happy to reply in kind! I could have had dozens of SSN's just by sitting there and writing them down, along with the names that people provided, the birthdays and addresses they were asked to verify! I wanted to stand up and ask, "Doesn't anyone here GIVE A CRAP that they can be overheard??" Then finally my number was called. It was a very young woman who was working on my case so I thought, "OH good she won't be one of those rude crabby bitches I've had to deal with before". Well, I was partly right.

"What is your social, please?" she asked. I wrote it down on my ticket and handed it to her. She hesitated to reach out for the ticket, like she thought it was going to bite her. I told her, "I'm sorry but I don't want to be overheard." She got a very smug look on her face and said, "Oh I doubt that would happen here, you are at the SS office!" (what??) I told her, "Well, I know the last guy you helped was here because his last check was stolen from his mailbox and I heard his name, birthday and address since you made him verify it out loud, but luckily for everyone here I didn't write it down and have a lousy memory!" She looked very annoyed. I also informed her that I had heard almost every SSN and personal info that had been relayed for the last half hour I was waiting, since the acoustics in that place would make any recording artist drool. She acted like I had just told her a unicorn was standing behind her. No, we wouldn't want to admit any truth!
Then she asked me to verify my birthday/street address/mother's maiden name/father's name/where I was born. I wrote it all out on my ticket; as I was writing, she sighed loudly like I was just killing her jive. Rather than snap at her and be rude back to her I simply told her I had already been a victim of identity theft once and it was not pleasant and I did not want to repeat it. (Ironically we just had another bout of it to the tune of $1400 last month but that's another story!) She took my info. We went round and round and round about my identity and she even asked if I had any ID for my previous name; I had not used it in six years, why would I? "No work badges or anything like that?" (why would you consider a work badge good enough, when my STATE ISSUED DRIVER'S LICENSE WITH MY NEW NAME is not good enough??) Ugh.
Anyway she gave me a list of things I needed to bring in order to properly prove I'm who I say I am. One thing included getting a letter from my doctor stating ALL the names they'd seen me under (two married names and a maiden name). Unfortunately it took me two months of riding my doctor's office to get this precious piece of paper.

Two months later, and again I am asked if I have any weapons (another invasive purse check and this time I hear the guy moving the ancient Tampax wrapper LOL) and told to turn off my cell phone or put it on mute. Given a number, wait 45 minutes this time. And not only do I get a repeat of hearing every detail of every other person's intimate information, but I also get the treat of a couple of people playing games on their cell phones. (didn't they hear the guy demand they turn them off?) AND, to top it off, a bunch of unruly monkey children who are jumping on/off/on/off/on/off the chairs while their parents ignore them. Two of them apparently got bored enough to play tag and one bumped into the chair next to me that had all my information on it and caused an avalanche of papers to hit the floor. Not one 'EXCUSE ME" or "I'm SORRY" from these monkey children, and then one had the nerve to run ACROSS my papers, putting a dirty footprint right on the front of a page! I told the brat to knock it off, he ran to his mommy who glared over at me. If she had taken the time that day to comb her hair or removed the cigarette from behind her ear, or wasn't so busy texting someone furiously, I might have felt bad. But, nah. (Wish I had unlimited texting but we have bills to pay!) Finally, they call my name, and this time I get to go into the back room!

A woman who looks like she was in "Beetlejuice" came out to bring me back to her desk. It was really a nice touch to see that she decorated in Modern Dorito Bags and Taco Bell Cups! You'll love this; she decided that nothing I brought was good enough, and she couldn't possibly consider my (expired) driver's license, because "Since it's expired it's invalid". I told her how funny it was that she'd consider a driver's license (expired) under one of my former names but, she didn't find it as funny as I did apparently. She also told me that the girl who told me to bring the items I did, 'was summer help' so nothing she said mattered. I asked her, if you paid her to tell me to bring all this stuff, how does her being 'summer help' cancel that out now? She again declared that nothing I brought her was right, and told me to come back with another list of things. She also mentioned the possible work ID/badge with my old name; I told her I had not worked there in almost a decade so I did not have this ID, sorry.

The week after this, I got pulled over and was cited for not having a valid driver's license (yes, I have been trying for months to get it fixed!) and I could not find my insurance card. (I found it after I got to work, it was in my purse and NOT in my car). To make matters worse, the idiot deputy ignored my snarling dog and reached right into my window to grab my ID as soon as I'd pulled it out of my wallet; my dog took a snap at him and he was not happy. My husband used to be a police officer, that's one of the things they learn, do not just reach into a car with an upset dog right there to bite you! She was in the back seat but she saw his hand come into the car and she managed to squeeze between my driver's seat/seat belt and the window. Yeah, not a happy man was this deputy. I'm cursing Beetlejuice all over because I would not have gotten a ticket, with a VALID driver's license! AND NOW I have to go to court in March. Sigh. The good news is, while looking for some other information that I now magically have to have to prove I am who I say I am, I FOUND that old ID badge! It's for a government agency, but it is old. AND it was for internal use inside the facility where I worked; it was not one that you'd be able to walk into any of their other facilities and use. They just wanted to see that badge on you when you were inside the building working, and it was ok for that. I've always joked how FAKE it looked. (Should never have even said that in my life....)

Fast forward to last week; another great visit to the Social Insecurity office. This time it's around the first of the month and this place is PACKED with pissed off people! And all the pissed off people brought their unruly kids! There were babies screaming everywhere, mothers changing squaling babies right there on the floor and on any empty chair. Nothing like the smell of dirty diapers to improve my SSA experience! Nevermind there was a public restroom with baby changing station only a few feet away (I CHECKED!). Let's just do it right there in front of everyone and shove the dirty diapers back in the diaper bag, or in the side of the car seat, so EVERYONE can share in aroma of your kids' nasty butts! Oh yes and all these babies apparently had many, many siblings. I had to check and see if the Octomom with 14 kids was there. It was like a daycare center bomb exploded in there! I really felt like I was back working at the Social Rehabilitation Services office again, only on the wrong side of the counter! There was one particularly annoying brat who was there with her grandparents; obviously gramma and grandpa were being forced to raise this kid because her mom or dad left her with them. They in turn thought everything she did was cute, and then ignored her; so she resorted to doing anything and everything she could to get attention from them, be it good or bad. They did not notice that she was jumping from chair to chair to chair; the only problem was, all these chairs were locked together so the ENTIRE row of chairs shook as she did this. After the third or fourth time of my paperwork and organizer starting to take a dive, I told her to KNOCK IT OFF. She looked like I'd yelled that I was going to eat her, and slunk back to her oblivious grandparents. THEN the little darling started doing cartwheels...everywhere...and badly. She knocked into one baby car seat and caused that little darling to start screaming bloody murder, she knocked into several people who just looked away. (Does NO ONE feel the obligation to say what her grandparents wouldn't? That young ladies don't act like this in a crowded waiting room?) Even the security guards were just shaking their heads in dismay and giving her disapproving looks. After about half an hour of this crap I was ready to start smoking whatever the hell it was that half the other people in there looked like they smoked; either that or put my bag on my head and just start breathing. There was the usual and customary round of personal information that was easy to overhear (even above the din!) and one guy sat behind me and on his CELL PHONE started reeling off his SSN, personal info, at full volume! I'm sorry, why not just rent ad space and advertise?!?!?!?! Finally, at long last, I was called to the window.

The rest is for later. I need a drink right now. LOL