Mary, Mary, Quite Cuntrary

No, that is not a typo. And yes, Mary is her real name.

So we have this customer named Mary. Mary is very special. Ten years ago she was told by one of the store owners never to come back; yet here we are ten years later still dealing with her, despite her repeated ill treatment of just about every person who has worked there. Her favorite action is to hang up on you when you are talking. Yeah, one of those kinds.

When I first started at the shop many moons ago, I was told about Mary, and it all seemed hard to believe; how could one person be so hateful, spiteful, dirty, filthy, and mean? And then one day, she called. But I did not know it was her; in fact it sounded like a man... and she asked about a loan in a man's name (her brother-in-law, I later found out). I said, "Who is this calling? I know Bob, and this is not him." He (she) said, "I'm NOT Bob! He's my BIL!" I said, "Calm down sir," and was interrupted by, "I'm a woman! I'm not a man! This is Mary ______!" (OOPS! I felt like such a heel...but honest to GOD she sounds like a three pack a day male smoker!) She proceeded to be very rude, surly, and generally unpleasant on the phone. She also loves to argue when you tell her interest is due on her loans; in five years she's never deviated from that script. Anyway, that was my introduction to the monster that is Mary. She was rude to the other two girls who worked there during this time; thank goodness for Caller I.D. though there was a scramble of 'your turn!' whenever her name popped up on it. On another day she was SO unpleasant, it was all I could do not to tell her to shove it and hang up on her. After the second or third time of her raising her voice to me and TALKING!LIKE!THIS!, I said, "Ma'am please don't raise your voice to me, I can't hear you when you shout"...and IT WORKED! She called back later that day and did the same yelling routine to the other girl working; the other girl said, "Please don't yell, I can't hear you when you yell"...and it worked! For almost a year, Mary was somehow able to keep a civil tongue in her head. But like most good things, it had to come to an end.

She called another time, accused me of being a 'liar' when I told her she had only paid once on an item as she insisted she was current. She likes to let things slide until they are almost due, and then pay a little but nowhere near what is due, then argue that she's been paying regularly. It's like dealing with a child. After being called a liar, having her yell at me, and then hanging up on me in mid-explanation, she was sent a letter by store owner telling her basically if she can't act like a decent human being, she was welcome to shop elsewhere (and in fact PLEASE do so). But no, like a festering sexual disease, she keeps coming back.

For an amusing twist; we had a new employee start a year ago. He ALSO called Mary "Sir" when she called asking about a loan, and got an indignant, irate response. Hey, she sounds manlier than he does on the phone. Whatchagonnado?

She came into the store once, and I almost ran screaming. She is about five foot tall and probably at least that wide. She does not bathe, and came in wearing a housecoat and slippers. They make sweats to fit, at least put some clothes on!! Greasy dank, lank hair. Body odor galore. So her personality rather fit her appearance! It was like hearing about Big Foot, and actually MEETING Big Foot! So this was the abuser on the other end of the phone. PHEWWWW she needs to stay on the phone.....

Her son comes in and pawns things, he's a real winner. He's done jail time, is slimy, and keeps trying to get loans on items that are missing parts and he insists, he swears!...that all the parts are there. Come on dude, you think no one else owns an iPod and doesn't know they come with headphones and a cable?? Give us a break, we are not as stupid as you are. He never likes the amount we are willing to loan him, and when we point out how much of his stupid crap we've owned, he denies it was him. (yawn!) He got a loan on a Playstation; and lost it because he did not manage to pay even two dollars of interest any time within 90 days. He had a serious fit when he found out it was out for sale. Someone had put that there was a memory card on the loan ticket; but we could not find a memory card when it went out for sale. (I think that was an oversight and it did not have one...) So in letting him pick up the item, we knocked some of the amount off to cover the 'lost' item. He STILL became mouthy and would not stop being a dick at the counter, even though he was charged zero interest and even more money was taken off for the memory card; the cards cost $20 at Walmart, he got a lot more than $20 knocked off the tab. But was it good enough? No. He yapped and bitched so much that my brother (who was helping him) finally said, "Dude, shut the f_ck up!" I almost fell down dead on the spot, he does NOT talk this way to customers. But the guy did shut the f-ck up. That day. (I'd like to get a shirt made that says 'Dude STFU' as a surprise....)

Fast forward, I get to work today and am told that Mary called yesterday and was so off the wall, that she was told she needs to go to another shop from now on. I was barely prepared when she called again today and I got to answer it. True to form, she was hateful and accusatory and ended up asking me all the same stupid stuff she already wasted time with yesterday; I patiently repeated it. She also lost some stuff that she cannot get back, as was told to her yesterday, but today she acted like she'd never heard any of this stuff. (Does she think we don't talk to each other around here?) Then she called back a second time and did it again. I finally told her she could come down here and deal with the owner but she didn't. She sent her BIL. I'm not sure what is wrong with him; maybe fetal alcohol syndrome or too much hillbilly inbreeding, he's nice but he is definitely low-functioning as is the majority of that family. I'd rather deal with him than her any day; he has his moments but he doesn't have her hatefulness. (He does buy a lot of porn! Maybe that's why he's so easygoing.)

Here's hoping that when the disability checks come out first of July, she takes all the family's checks somewhere else. It's worth it to be rid of her. It's like the phone rings and you know Satan is on the phone and he's going to suck your soul out of you. Some days when I see her name come up on the Caller I.D., I have to take a moment to draw a deep breath and brace myself to deal with her. If I wanted to take this kind of abuse, I'd go back to work for Wal-Mart, no thanks.