No Habla Blah Blah!

Picture yourself thinking about moving to another country. Of all the things you consider before moving to this other country; isn't language one of them? So say if you were moving to, oh, GERMANY, wouldn't you at least get a grasp on rudimentary German? One would think so.

Tell me why, every day, I get at least one person who either cannot or will not understand even the basics of English? Please explain this to me. Hello, I don't care whether you came here legally or illegally, (well I really do...)...but for gawd's sakes at least learn SOME English? You have to pay bills and transact business, can't you just freaking learn a few English words? Because sorry buddy, you are living here now, and I just don't remember every damned Spanish word I learned in High School decades ago. I can call your mother an ugly cow or a whore, maybe count to thirty, but give me a break here. And when I do speak your language, don't look at me like I just shouted 'screw your mother!"

Be prepared for a whole list of blog entries dealing with People Who No Speak English. (And this includes some Vietnamese, Laotians, Cambodians, etc. It ain't just the border crossers from down South!) I really, really love having to deal with their six year old child who can speak English but barely; they rely on these kids to translate what they do not understand.

Couple months ago, a couple came in with their approximately 6 year old daughter. The couple did not speak English whatsoever, and my limited Spanish was not getting through to them what I was trying to convey ... that their bill, if paid at our shop, would take three business days to get to the utility. We even had a Spanish sign telling people what they needed to know, but as far as I can tell, no one ever read it. (Do these people not read their own language, either?) I told the couple about the delay in the bill reaching the utility, their daughter chattered to them and then they left. They came in a few days later; the bill was now close to being due. I told them again that if they paid it here, it would take three days to get there. Their daughter chattered some more, and they left. I was wondering what she was saying to them, as I didn't really listen to what she was saying. (I can understand a whole lot more than I can speak.) A few days later they came back again, and now the bill was past due. I told them again that if they paid it here, it would be three business days and it would be late now. Daughter chattered to them again and this time I heard her tell them they had to come back in three days (which upset them because they had already been here twice). This kid was telling her parents, that I had told them to come back in three days. TWICE. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. This is what happens when you rely on your KID to translate for you and the kids do not have a clue what is going on, sorry. I cringe when they come in and think their kid is going to translate for them, and I can't get it through to the kid any better than I can to the parent or grandparent. Some days you just have to say, screw it. Either they learn to cope in the country they have chosen to reside in, or Darwinism will eventually weed them out!

We have a couple of male hispanics who come in to browse (and I think steal) tools. They are hoodlums, to be kind. Big gangbanger do-rags on their heads. They pretend they do not speak any English but I'm certain they have a small vocabulary of understanding as, if they WANT to, they can almost understand you. Trying to speak Spanish to them, in the few words we know, makes them sneer and laugh. Can you believe it? One of them actually repeated back what one of our employees had said to him, in a mocking and sneering tone. The employee was making more of an effort to speak Spanish than this culo had made at speaking English; and uh what country are we in? 'Taint Mexico. Whatta dick. They sure looked around when I said "ladron" (thief) to my brother. Huh!

We have another hispanic lady (ahem) who was caught shoplifting from us. She was told to leave. She had paid her utility bill right before being caught stealing so we had her name/address. (No one said the woman was smart.) She keeps coming in to pay her bill, and we found missing t-shirts after her trip by the t-shirt rack, we just didn't catch her stuffing them. But, we know she steals, and we make no pretense of watching her when she wanders around the store. She's gotten the message. She used to chatter to me in small talk, which I could follow pretty well. Now she just pays her bill and is very sour-faced. Oh boo hoo, you can't shoplift any more, poor senora.

I'm trying to think of what to say when, after the customer hands me their bill and I ask them what they want to pay...and I get..."No English!". Or worse. Oh? Ok. Why is it then my responsibility to suddenly pull the appropriate Spanish phrases out of my ass? You came to my country to live and work, hopefully you'll learn enough English to get you through the essentials like, oh, PAYING BILLS! My high school spanish class was pretty much a bunch of bullcrap like what time is it, good evening, what's your name, and how old are you. I'm not there to have social hour, I'm supposed to take their payments for their utilities. Since most of them are here illegally, they do not have checking accounts, so they can't mail off checks; I'm IT for their payment option and I don't fricking speak Spanish damnit! Nor should I have to! I work in the UNITED STATES.

Ah and the kids....most of them don't speak English until they get into school. (And then the overburdened school system has to teach them English, taking away from the kids who already speak it and have to wait while these kids catch up.) A little girl came in with her mom awhile back, and I asked her what her dolly's name was. She had a little baby doll, and the girl was just so cute. The kid looked terrified and ran behind her mom. Her mom said, "She no speak english. She no understand you" Oh, right, sorry. Silly me!

Until recently we had a lady come in who did not know how to read or write Spanish OR English! Can you believe it? And her English was non-existent. She would have me fill out money orders for her and address the money orders to a title company and to various bills. She would speak Spanish to me (which I tried to understand because I could not write anything out for her to read) and I'd speak what little I could back to her, and we got the job done between the two of us. She had like..five kids, and they were very broke. She even asked me what incense to burn to get a job. (?) I felt very sorry for her and tried to help her because it seemed that she had a husband who just kept saddling her with kids and she had to do it all herself. Her kids were very well behaved and polite, and spoke perfect English; but they were mostly in school when she was needing to pay bills and get her household chores done so she would come in and talk to me. She has not come in for over a year now and I wonder what happened to her. At least she tried to adapt to her new surroundings but she was hampered by not being able to read or write ANY language. That has to be tough.