"But I Only Opened My Phone!"

We have a theater chain here that has instituted a severe "NO CELL PHONE" policy during a movie. No games, no texting, do NOT turn on your phone during the movie, period. If they catch you, you are removed from the movie, no exceptions, no refunds, no kidding. We were so glad when they first announced this policy, because really, seeing all the phones on during a movie is very distracting and annoying. We always sit in the back row, so allllll those phones in front of us add up.

Tonight we had an opportunity to test the new policy! We were watching "Lakeview Terrace" and two rows in front of us, some dumb twaddle opens up her phone and it looks like she is playing games on it; all the different flashing screens were hard for me to ignore. After a few minutes it was clears he was not going to stop, so I snapped my fingers at her (like the dog she is) and said loudly, "Please turn that off, THANK YOU!" But she ignored me. That's ok, I got up and went to get an usher, who brought another one with her. They camped out at both doors and waited to catch her. When she saw them she turned it off, but they waited for ten minutes. Eventually she had to get her cell phone fix and she tried to hide it in her ample lap as she opened it up...and busted she was! The two ushers had to argue with her to get her to get up and leave, and she kept trying to sneak back in, but they did finally manage to impress upon her the fact that she was banned from the movie, so she stayed out in the hallway.

I had to get up and go to the ladies' room, and passed her in the hallway. She GLARED at me hatefully when I came out of the theater, so I was sure she knew I was the one who 'tattled'. I just smiled sweetly at her. I was kind of taken aback, in the darkness she just looked like an elderly blob, but in the light of harsh flourescents she was a sight. She was about five foot tall and five foot wide; probably in her 50's but looking older; she had on so much black eye makeup that it looked like someone had punched her in the eyes. She had short teased bleached blonde hair (obviously done at home and overprocessed) and the gaudiest Pepto Bismol Pink sweater I've ever seen. She had about four feet of bosoms stretching that sweater to it's limit. She was SO angry that her mouth was all pinched up, and it looked like her mouth was trying to eat her face. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that she probably uses that look a LOT in her life. Apparently she was really mad that her boyfriend got to stay inside the movie. (Why wasn't he a gentleman and come join her in the hallway? The movie was ONLY half over! har har!)

When I came back, she glared at me some more, so I smiled at her some more. When when the movie was over, we were among the first out since we always sit in the back; as we exited the theater she was there glaring at me some more, so I smiled sweetly at her yet again. I was certain she knew who I was, and thought she was just trying to make herself feel better so I just smiled at her. She was positively FUMING.

Hubby and the kid had to do some boy business, so I took the car keys and went out to get the car. A few minutes later my son opened the car door and said breathlessly, "MOM! MOM! That lady is looking for you and she's so mad! She's stomping back and forth by the ticket taker and she's cussing and asking,'where is she? Where is she? Is she gone? I only opened my phone, that was uncalled for!'" He said she had a big boyfriend who was pissed right along with her and they looked like they were wanting to go after whoever tattled on them. I could SWEAR I've seen her on an episode of "Jerry Springer"! She's so obviously accustomed to acting like a White Trash Moron.