Crazy Biatch Breaks with Reality

Crazy Biatch didn't pick up her loan, so we deposited it.
Normally she calls and wants an extension, her reason usually something like "another company illegally deposited the check, her car broke down", things of that nature. This time she didn't call and we waited until PAST the deadline and deposited it. I failed to consult the stars and see that she needed more time, apparently.

Yesterday the phone rings and rings, and I see the Caller ID says it's Crazy Biatch. We all had customers so I told other folks to ignore the phone, I'll get it when I'm not busy. Crazy Biatch calls back several more times and I let it ring. Then she apparently borrows someone else's phone and calls; I had a feeling it was really her so I let it ring another eight or nine times just in case, and answered it.

Crazy Biatch: Yes, this is Crazy Biatch, I just tried to call and you wouldn't answer the phone!
Me: We are very busy, CB, I'm sorry. We are just backed up.
Crazy Biatch: Yes but you answered it when it wasn't from me but you ignored it when I called from my cell phone!
Me: I'm certainly not psychic, we were simply backed up with customers and we don't ignore customers in the store to answer the phone, is there anything I can help you with? (knowing her check was deposited and this is really what she's calling for.)

But...Crazy Biatch was intensely focused on the fact that SHE had been ignored while I had answered a phone from a different number. (She doesn't know we have Caller ID but probably assumes we do.) I did my best to dispel her paranoia (while really it was true, I didn't REALLY want to wallow in her craziness today!). She just WOULD NOT LET IT GO so finally I let Mommy come out and said firmly, "What can I help you with, CB?"
CB: You deposited my check and you weren't supposed to!
Me: Let me go see what happened, ok? (I already know what happened but I don't want to seem like I have it in for her or anything so I play stupid when she calls and pretend I'm reading out of her file.)
Me: CB? I am looking at your file here and it looks like we held your loan extra days and then deposited it.
CB: (getting VERY angry!) I came in just ten days ago, you should not have deposited that check! You weren't supposed to!
Me: No CB, you came in over two weeks ago, and the check was due many days before we deposited it.
CB: I KNOW WHAT DAY I came in! It was ten days ago! You are wrong!
Me: CB, you came in on ___, and we were closed. You knocked on the door after we had closed and ___ waited on you.
CB: Oh. Was it that day? Ok. Well I told that person I had lost my job and I needed the check put on my payday for the next week.

I know damned good and well she never mentioned she had lost her job. First of all I was standing right next to that person as he helped her, and heard every word she said to him as she was sending me hate-daggers. Not once did she mention losing her job, or that employee would have made a note of it. I also would have heard it and if HE didn't make a note of it, I would have, because I just flat out dislike this nasty crazy bitch and don't want her to have the opportunity to screw us.

Me: I'm sorry CB but if you'd mentioned a job loss, one or both of us would have put a note on your account, and since I was standing there also, that never came up.
CB: Yes I DID tell him, and he didn't put it on the day I told him to!
Me: Well I'm looking at the calendar and even if you HAD told him you'd be in on payday, it looks like the day we deposited it is several days PAST that day, so either way you never called nor did you make any kind of contact about it.
CB: Well my car broke down and I've had trouble with it, it just slipped my mind. And I thought I had two weeks. (Which is it???) Anyway it bounced and I need to come write another loan.
Me: You'll have to show proof the check cleared the bank before we can write another loan, but if you need to make payments on this one we'll work with you.
CB: (getting shrill!) I don't HAVE any money to make payments! I have maybe $300 in my account, that check is going to bounce and my account is going to be a mess! You shouldn't have deposited it! (what, are we supposed to frame it and stare at it??) I'm going to put a stop pay on it!
Me: Well CB here's the problem: if you put a stop pay on it, we will have to send it directly to collections. If you make payments on it, we'll work with you and you'll still be able to write loans here.
CB: If I stop pay I understand I can't write loans for a year or so, who cares.
Me: OH no, it's not like that. You wrote a contract to pay this loan, a stop pay is for a stolen check or services not provided. You got your money, and if you put a stop pay on it that is a breach of contract and we'll have to send it directly to the lawyer for collection, and we will never be able to write you a loan again. If you just make payments on it, we'll work with you, so that you can pay over time and get it taken care of. We'll WORK with you, CB, don't worry.
CB: BUT I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY IT OFF! You keep telling me to make payments and I don't have the money! You aren't listening!
Me: Why don't you come in and talk to the owner this afternoon, he can explain it to you. You've been with us a long time and we understand things happen. We will work with you, CB. (trying to talk in a calm, soothing voice)
CB: Sounds very angry like I'm kicking her dog in front of her....and hangs up.

She called back later and talked to a MALE EMPLOYEE (which makes all the difference to her). She was all but sobbing, apologizing, and she didn't lose her job she just lost ONE Job, I got it wrong, etc. I guess her bank HAD put the check through so we got our money, but she was in the negative. She couldn't put a stop pay on it. However the bank did honor the check so she brought in a printout of it to prove it had gone through and I was told it was ok to write her another loan. I saw her come in and I plastered a fake smile on my face and said through almost-gritted teeth, "Hi CB! Are we writing you a loan?" She was looking for the male employee she'd spoken to (he was hiding from her) and talked past me, around me, as she swiveled her head this way and that trying to have him SAVE her from me. "Oh yes I got it taken care of, I talked to >>> and I can write one. Here is the check I was supposed to bring." I took the bank copy of the check and got permission to write her another loan. As I was coming to the front desk again, she said, "You don't need to keep taking it back there, I already got it approved." I smiled and said, "We are good to go, just go ahead and write your check and we can get started!" But, no. Much like the car repair fiasco of years ago, she just could-not-let-it-ride. "Do you want to call the bank and make sure the check cleared?" I smiled and said no, we are good to go. "Because you can call the bank if you don't believe me." Again I smiled and said we're good! She just STOOD there, pen in hand, checkbook open, but not making one ounce of effort to start writing her check. It's like she had to get this foreplay out of the way before she could write her check. She is just UNBELIEVABLE in her pathological screwballness! It's as if she couldn't write the check unless and until we had a verbal fisticuffs, and I wasn't in the mood to take her crap. So I told her, let me know when you are ready, I'm going to check this nice man out while you do that. Still she stood there as if the voices in her head hadn't given her permission yet. "I can call the bank, you can hear it on the phone if you don't believe me!" I ignored her and checked out my customer. She picked up the pen and started to write...then paused and said, "If you have internet, I can log in and show you! I can show you right now, it's cleared." OK, screw this crazy pustule, I'm done with her. I called her favorite male employee to come help me up front; and he got to finish her transaction. She got this meek, little-girl voice that was almost 'sobbing' and apologized, oh how embarrassed she was, oh how humiliated, OMG woe is me..... as soon as my customer was gone I excused myself to go to the ladies' room. I wonder if she steals drugs from patients? She is truly a case. I can't wait to get rid of her, she's not worth the loan money.