Stupid Customer Tricks

*Guy calls up and asks, what are your loan qualifications? I read them to him and he says, "Repeat the job stuff?" I do and ask him if he meets the qualifications. He BURPS LOUDLY in my ear and then says, "I ain't been there that long but I been there awhile". Uh-huh.

*Loser 17 year old kid who gets $1600 a month in social security came in to cash his check, wearing a hoodie with a giant marijuana leaf that says "I fund international terrorism". He's a little dildohead anyway, he's rude to his family and he's occasionally rude to us when we won't let him sell something (he's not old enough) or we don't give him a free movie when he claims he bought one but we didn't put it in the bag. He had his grandma buy him an electronic gram scale today. I just had to tell him how unemployable his hoodie made him look and that perhaps if he's going to use the scale (drugs, anyone?) he shouldn't advertise his occupation with a giant green marijuana-leaf hoodie. What a winner.

*Guy has an out of state ID that expired last year; I've personally told him twice now that he can't get any more loans without an ID for the state in which he resides, or at least bring me a valid one. Today he again tried to get a loan, and I asked him if he had his valid ID yet? "Nah, nah but I'm in your computer." I said yes you are in our computer as having an expired Nevada driver's license, I need a valid one for THIS state. "Yeah I'll get it. I just need a loan today." I told him said that several times now and I'll need that new ID before we can proceed. He pulled out a Department of Corrections card that was so faded you could barely see it, but I could clearly see "Inmate" on it. I told him I couldn't use that either, because it was expired. "How you know that?" I said...if you were still an inmate you wouldn't be here, would you? If this were a cartoon, a big anvil would drop on his head.

*A lady came in with her husband and was just a pain in the ass. She actually snapped her fingers at me when I wasn't rushing to get a piece of jewelry out of the case fast enough; apparently her husband was about to see her trying it on. Then she tried on a ring and said, "That's nice. Let me see that one over there." I assumed that meant she didn't want it, so I put it back. "What are you doing? I want that!" Well sorry lady, since I quit the Psychic Friends Network my mindreading isn't what it once was. Then she picked a ring and when I told the husband their total (for all the other stuff they bought) he almost went postal on me. "WHAT? WHAT?" I turned the screen around so he could see it all. He turned to his wife, "Woman, you gonna make me broke!" and then insisted that ring come off the ticket NOW. Problem is wifey was wearing the ring and admiring it and didn't want to give it up. It wasn't pretty. She called back later wanting me to hold it for her. (I already held it, lady, and then I had to find the tag and put it back on.) I told her it would be in the case whenever she comes in.

*I love it when someone brings in a ton of DVDs or CD's and they insist, THEY ARE ALL THERE. As you are handing them empty case after empty case they don't even have the decency to shut their mouths, "What's wrong with that one? It's not in there???" Or it's so scratched up we can't take it. "That's brand new!" Brand new is unopened. (and watch their face when you say that.)

*"I have a lot of traffic tickets, can I get a gun?" No felony, you are ok. "Well in this state if you have three misdemeanors they count as a felony. So can I get a gun?" Please call a lawyer for advice..."Can't you just tell me?" (sigh). Or better yet, "I was driving with my sister and she had pot in her car but I got a ticket for possession even though it wasn't mine. Can I still buy a gun?" "I got into a fight with my old lady and she called the cops on me, SHE hit ME but I still got arrested but I didn't do it. Can I still buy a gun?" No, no you may not. Go buy a vasectomy.

*Man comes in and says wife needs an operation but the doctor wouldn't do it when he found out they didn't have insurance. "Money money money that's all they care about!" I asked him, would you work for free? He said, "F---, I'm on unemployment!" I asked him why they didn't go get medicaid (which he'd qualify for if they were as broke as he says) and his answer was that the state won't give him medical assistance...as he's handing over a very new laptop to get a loan on.

*A kid whose mom is on HUD and welfare (plus gets social security checks for her kids AND child support checks) came to buy a game for his Xbox360. He said, "You need to make this cheaper so I can buy it!" I told him maybe getting a paper route or mowing lawns would help him afford it. He looked at me like I'd asked him to explain quantum physics in Latin.